Warm And Fuzy

Ok so I skipped a day because I woke up dying of stomach cramps. By noon yesterday, I managed to straighten myself to a standing position and get my kid and myself dressed and I went to visit her Godparents.

Maria, the Godmother, wanted to host a lunch at her place with her family and she pretty much emotionally blackmailed me into coming. She did the right thing!!! Waking up feeling like shit didn’t have to dictate the rest of my day.

I must say it was a very enjoyable afternoon. They are a simple family, with simple people. What I love about them is their capability to make anyone feel extremely welcome and like your presence matters with them. They have such a warmth about them it’s unreal. Me and Maria have been friends for about 8 years. We met in college and became friends from day 1. Our dream was for us to officially become family and 2018 was the year when that was possible. She did me the extraordinary honor of baptizing my child and, for that, I’ll be eternally grateful.

She is the only person who can restore my faith in humanity by just breathing. There are very few genuinely good people I’ve had the chance to meet in this lifetime and, thank God, I managed to make them my friends. She accepted me in a way only my parents did. I should introduce her to everyone. She can finds the best in everything, focuses on that and brings it out. She’s been there for me in many rock-bottom moments in my life and knew exactly what to tell me to pick myself up and keep pushing forward. I’ve learned a lot from her throughout the years and I truly look up to her.

So my afternoon was filled with food (thank God lol), laughter, watching the kids play and genuine quality time. Everyone needs a Maria in their lives.

 

 

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3 Major Lessons I’ve Learned From Becoming A Mother

2018 was the year I became a mother. I was far from being ready to be a parent, but, nevertheless, I am really happy.

Motherhood, up until now has taught me many lessons about myself, about life, about how things actually work in this world. It would take me a month of night to write down all of them so I narrowed it down to 3 major lessons. So here it goes.

1. LIFE LONG COMMITMENT

Being a parent is not a on and off relationship, it doesn’t have an OFF button, you do not get a break from it. Being a parent is a permanent thing – that child is yours for life. You cannot break up with your child or divorce your child. For all you single parents out there – I know what you are thinking. Indeed there are a lot of genetic contributors who bail on their kids without looking back. It happened to me. I’m not talking to those people now. I’m talking to those who understand what having a child is, who – despite the hardships and challenges – fight for their children. You guys know this – the child is yours even if it’s not always about dancing on tulips. You may not always like your child. Kids can be a handful some days. God knows I don’t always like my child – she can drive me nuts. Does that make me a bad mother? Hell no! It makes me a normal mother. Even in the days I don’t like her, I do love her more than words and that drives me to push through the hard times. So yes – being a parent is a life long commitment

2. YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT

I don’t care if you do babysitting for a living. When you have your own child, the first thing you realize is that – you don’t know shit. It’s like when you read and study really hard for a very important exam, but – when the day comes – you feel like you are totally unprepared. Depending on the kind of person you are – this can make you or break you.

When I was pregnant, I thought I got this motherhood thing down to the very last letter. I watched videos, I read tons of books on parenting. I really did think that I was prepared to face it and pass with flying colors. I even fantasized about it. My fantasy kid was perfect, non-crying, great sleeper, predictable, non-tantrum throwing. My fantasy kid would never poop so hard that it would shoot out from the back of the diaper into her hair. She would never pee on me. She would be very independent from the start so I did have time to work and keep the income flowing regularly. Perfect little angel! The second I gave birth I found out very different. Was it a shock? Yes and no! Yes because I really thought I knew what I was doing and no because that’s just how life is.

So…going back to the MTV Diary’s light-motif – You think you know, but you have no idea!

3. TRUE, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Throughout out lives – we experience love in many different ways which kind of gives us an idea of what love is. Going back to number 2 – you don’t know shit! The love you feel when you first see your child is so big that it’s overwhelming. It’s a palette of emotions that put a hold on your heart like nothing else. It’s a true and unconditional love. No matter what your child will do – the love will be the same if not even bigger. It’s a love that only grows and never dies. It’s a love that goes beyond you heart and mind and body. It even goes beyond death. It’s a love that can sometimes make your other experiences with love seem superficial.

The first thing I realized after I gave birth was that all the other people in my life are disposable. Sounds bad, I know! Think of it this way – you can love your spouse/boyfriend/friends/brothers/sisters/parents etc. but would you ever choose them over your own child? My guess the answer is a resounding NO! Thus proving my point!

When it comes to your own child – love truly is enough.

So there you go, my friends! These are the 3 major lessons I’ve learned from being a parent. It’s the best journey of my life and I can firmly say – I’M HAPPY!

 

 

Finally 2019!!!

Ok…so I’m beyond excited for this new beginning!!!

Have you ever gotten that gut feeling that you know and Know and KNOW that things are moving in he right direction? Well that’s how I feel now and it’s fan-fucking-tastic!

Last night was great! We gathered at the yoga studio and had a great party – each of us with their family. The kids were supervised by professionals so us adults can unwind and have a good time. We hired a live band and they played great music. Overall, it was a great night!

At midnight, I held my daughter tight and, as always, made a wish. I’ll not tell you the wish lol because I really want it to come true. There is something that happens to me at midnight between years that I’ll never understand. I feel a love like no other and this year was even more special because I was now holding my baby girl. Last years she was a tinny tiny thing inside my belly and this year I hold her in my arms. It’s overwhelming!

I make the exact same wish every year, bu for some reason this year I really feel it in my gut that it will come true!

Happy New Year everybody! Make it the best yet!

P.S. This is the makeup look and hair style I wore. Special thanks for my lovely makeup artist – Liana R – and a big, fat hug to my stylist – Erico Rey. When I’ll get the pictures with the outfit, I’ll post it here too.Realizat cu Lumia Selfie

Ending / Beginning

So it’s the last day of the year. Another year has past and I’m beyond excited.

2018 has been really good to me in many different ways. As hard as it’s been, I can truly say I feel more blessed than ever before. 2018 has rescued me through my daughter. In 2018 I was born sort of speak. My life was given a purpose and meaning. In 2018, I found out that I CAN love beyond myself, beyond words, beyond barriers.

How can I not be happy? Of course I am. I’m the luckiest woman on the damn planet and I’m taking that with me in 2019. Next year will be even bigger and brighter than 2018. My business will launch, my daughter will turn 1, I’ll officially become and international citizen, I’ll continue fighting for my cause, I’ll live, I’ll love, I’ll be loved, my family will be there with me etc. In other words, I’m already more than grateful  for everything that I know will happen.

For some cosmic reason, I know in my gut that next years a lot of things will come to pass and I’m ready for them. I think I’ve been ready for a long time. For some planetary reason, I just know that this time everything is as it should be.

I’ll keep this post short because my laptop seems to have “Mercury in retrograde” syndrome, but these are my thoughts for the last day of 2018 – I’m just grateful.

Right Now

I had a good talk with a very close and dear friend of mine today. And we talked about recent past and everything and he looked into my eyes and said – “I am so proud of you! You have come such a long way in a short amount of time it’s unbelievable, but I believe it because it’s you!”. And for the first time in my life, I believed it myself. Yes, I have come a long way in a short amount of time because nothing is ever permanent. Everything is moving and shifting constantly. Time is not an enemy, time is actually our best friend because it’s allows space for change.

Just a week ago, a month ago, I was in a really bad place. My life sucked, I sucked and I hated myself and my circumstances with a passion beyond explanation. I felt like a failure in every sense of the word. I felt defeated by life even if everything was actually moving in the right direction. Most importantly, I felt like nothing was ever going to change which couldn’t be further from the truth.

I wish I had someone in my life to take my hand and tell me that everything that I was feeling was a “right now” thing. That nothing is permanent and that everything is ever changing. I had someone who told me that nothing is ever certain but that depressed me even more because it comes from a negative perspective.

Everything is changing which of course means that it can go both ways – for the better or for the worse. It all depends on what you focus on. I made my choice and I’m not looking back. And yes, I’ll be having bad moments and bad circumstances, like right now my kid has a cold and so do I. This is not permanent – she will get better and so will I. It’s just a “right now” situation.

Anyways, I’m rambling. Bottom line is that everything will always change for the better if you focus on that.

Road Trip 3

So yesterday we went on the last road trip of the year and it was a dream. We decided to go north, back to my “home land” and see what’s poppin’.

That place never disappointed me for one second. Even though it’s a lot colder than here, the view is incredible. I’m a mountain girl and always will be one. If I were to choose between laying the sun on a golden beach and get close to the could bank and watch the view from the top – it will be the second option all the way.

These 3 road trips I took these past few days were exactly what I needed. It kept my mind off things that have been going on and it gave me a whole new sense of perspective on life. I would recommend it to anyone – when feeling like your world is being pulled from underneath you or it’s crumbling down, just jump in a car and go to the nearest place with an incredible view. Your realities will shift instantly. Whatever got you to that state will still be there, but you will look at it with different eyes and that changes everything.

It worked for me and countless other people. Plus a different perspective always means a different outcome. Someone once said something along the lines – “if you want a different result stop doing the same thing”. Well here it goes I guess.

Road Trip Number 2

So, yesterday we went on another incognito road trip, but this time to mountain Rarau. Incredible place and quite an adventure getting there.

The drive up there is like a dream. Since I got my licence, I’ve driven there maybe life 15 times and it still gets to me. The view from the Lady’s Rocks (Pietrele Doamnei in Romanian) is fantastic. Being winter, we only climbed up to the first plateau. From up there you can see the cabin and the forest (I’ll post a featured image and a few photos bellow).

Lia (my daughter) was having the time of her life. I’ve never seen her laugh and baby-talk so much. She was literally excited and amazed. Just looking at her and seeing that little face with those little eyes light up brought me back to what someone once told me – “Seeing your face, seeing you smile and laugh  gives me a reason to live”. Now that I am a mother and seeing my child so happy and so curious about the world gave me a reason to keep doing this and to keep going and keep pushing forward.

Those of you who have kids, know exactly what I mean. It’s just the best feeling in the world to see your child discover new things.

Ok, I’ll leave this for now because we have another road trip to get ready for.

 

Christmas Energy

So I’m Orthodox which means that we celebrate 3 days of Christmas – 25,26,27th December.

Yesterday was a very fun day. We had a chance to get out of the blah city environment and go to one of my favorite places in this country – Cheile Bizazului (the featured photo is a pic I took once we got there) It’s like a rock, uncovered tunnel – that’s the best description I can provide and, this time of year, it’s especially beautiful.

The biggest reason I love this place is because I have a ton of memories attached to that place. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 5 years old and someone told me to get dressed and go to the car. It was my birthday. I asked her where are we going and she said it was a surprise. During the entire trip I kept asking people where were we heading and either of them kept quiet. The drive up to that place it’s beautiful on it’s own but once we were arriving – my jaw kept dropping. The way the rocks emerge from the forest is absolutely incredible. I remember getting out of the car and just starring in amazement at how big everything was. I started crying and that woman asked me what was wrong and the only thing I could say was – “it’s so beautiful”.

Ever since we kept going back every year – be it summer or winter . Now, that I have my own child, I woke up yesterday and kind of felt that it was time to go there. It’s pretty hard to explain, but it’s like that place is calling for me. Sound stupid and corny but that’s how I feel. Even if my child is just 5 months old – when we got there her reaction was priceless. She didn’t cry but she starred exactly like I did 22 years ago and then slowly started smiling. Like mother, like daughter.

That place will always have a special hold on my heart and it’s funny how – even having been there hundreds of times – it still energizes me like the very first time.

So it’s…

Christmas Eve! Yaaaaaaayyyyy!!! My baby’s first Christmas Eve! Even though she won’t remember it, I know I will and 30 years from now I’ll have stories to tell over and over again at family gatherings!

Funny things happened today. I was at the store with my baby in the baby carrier and she was not happy. I mean like totally mad about God knows what and she threw and epic, Oscar award worthy tantrum at just 5 months!!!!! I’m not even joking! She was not having it today. And here I was, trying to keep calm, breathe slowly so she wouldn’t sense my stress, humming her favorite lullaby, talking to her….I mean pretty much doing all I could to calm her down while trying to move as fast as I could and get the hell out of that store. It would have been better if it wouldn’t have been packed, but – being Christmas Eve – the place was full of people trying to get last-minute shopping done.

And I got a lot of angry looks from people and I swear I could hear an airy “Gosh…” coming out of a woman’s mouth, people rolling their eyes at me etc. As I got to the diaper aisle, a gentleman approached me also holding a small boy and told me – “Keep calm, you’re doing great!” – and just left. I remained stunned for a minute! I couldn’t believe it! He knew exactly what I needed at that moment.

So, even though you are not going to be reading this, I just want to say  a big, fat THANK YOU! Thank you , sir for being an empathetic human being! Thank you for saying something positive! Thank you for giving me a split second of validation in a moment when I felt like I was a horrible mom! I wish one day someone will do for you what you did for me! Even if it was just a small thing, in a moment like that, a mother/father doesn’t need judgement or to feel more embarrassed. All we need is a little support and that goes a long way.

As a single mom with all the help anyone could get, I have to say it’s not easy. It’s a beautiful journey and today my faith in human kind was restored by just one little sentence spoken at the right time.

Being human is beautiful and you – my good sir – are a beautiful human being!

Merry Christmas, everyone! Make it a good one to tell!

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