Another busy day…

Ever since my mom died in 2015, I’ve been living with my dad. He’s great help to me since I mentioned previously that I am a single mom. We live in a decent apartment in Iasi, Romania and, through a lot of hard work, we live a pretty decent life. Of course, there are many plans for the future and many dreams waiting to be fulfilled. That doesn’t stop us from appreciating what we have now.

This coming Sunday is my baby girl’s Baptism. Naturally, there are a lot of things to plan and get done: my baby’s outfit, my dad’s outfit, my outfit, the Godparents, the church, the venue for the lunch after the service etc. I’m pretty much in over my head!

For those of you wondering where the father of my child is  I’m only going to say this: he just isn’t part of our lives. Out of respect for him and for my own privacy, I will not give details. I provide for my child alone and I’m proud to say that she has everything she needs. I just want to give a huge shout out to all you single parents: YOU ARE FUCKING AMAZING AND YOU DO A FANTASTIC JOB!!!! Don’t ever, not even for a fraction of a second, doubt yourselves. I know it’s hard and frustrating and lonely! Don’t forget to stop once in a while to enjoy your kids! They won’t be kids forever…

This blog post seems to be as chaotic as my day. I’m all over the place, but it’s ok. Some days will be like this. Chaos is just part of life and I’ve learned to not feel ashamed or embarrassed and neither should you.

Yesterday I talked about that man I met while working as a cam model. 24 hours without hearing from him went by really slow and painful. Some of you may wonder why I don’t contact him. I wish I could but…he hates me. Somehow, somewhere along the way the fact that I took part in the sex industry came back to haunt me… Maybe one day I will get the courage to contact him…right now I don’t…

 

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364 days…

One day down, 364 to go…

As a cam model, I got to interact with thousands of people all over the world. With some it was just about the sex show, with others was more about the conversation. It’s pretty much impossible not to get emotionally invested in this even though that’s one rule a cam model should never break. We are taught to be heartless and only look out for financial gain. So was I at the beginning. Towards the end of my cam modeling “career”, I met a man from a small town in Minnesota. I was pregnant back then and in a very dark place. He came into my chat room and started a short number of stand up comedy. It was towards the end of my shift at the studio. I got into his game, had a good laugh and left for the day. He started coming back the days that followed and we started to talk. There was something about him that drew me in.

Shortly after, I left to have my baby intending to continue camming from home. I didn’t really keep in touch with him. We had exchanged emails and phone  numbers but I was waaayyyy too busy with being a new mom. I was in survival mode. He would send me an email once in a while and I believed we talked on whatsapp once or twice. Once my baby turned 2 months or so, I created a new account on that particular site and emailed him letting him know about it. Sure enough he came into my chat room and we started to talk and joke around again. Off camera, we started emailing, texting and talking on the phone everyday.

Slowly and steadily we started to talk for hours and hours. He wasn’t much of a sleeper so the time difference wasn’t a problem. Spending a lot of time together led to us eventually falling in love. It was hard at first and we had many rocky moments, but after that everything went somewhat smoothly. For a few months, we spent almost every single moment talking via skype. We were closer and talked more than a married couple. The most time we spend together in one day was 19 and a half hours. Crazyyyy!!! I know. We just couldn’t get enough of each other.

Sounds like the perfect love story since I am planning on going to the US in a town close to where he is and our relationship had a good chance to move from online to the physical world. Sadly, this love story ended last night…and it ended bitter and ugly. We both made mistakes along the way and we both gave it a valid shot, but the distance pressure and internal issues which I will not reveal out of respect for him, brought us to a sudden and sad end.

Even if he doesn’t believe it, I really did fall in love with him and I miss him. He will always be a big part of my life and he will never be forgotten. I wish I could take back many things I’ve said and done, but I can’t. I know he loves me. Hopefully we will at some point be able to reconnect even as friends. Time will tell…

Moral of this story: Never let your fear call the shots!

Intro

I created this blog about 2 weeks ago and this is the first time I’m posting. I’m not really sure if you are reading this or if you will ever read this, but here it goes.

My name is Olga and I live in a small European country called Romania. I’m a single mother of a gorgeous baby girl. I’ve had many jobs in my life time and one of them was webcam modeling. I know, I know…outrageous and controversial. Why did I choose this? Simple…money. Did it help? Yes! Was it worth it? No! Throughout my posts here, I will touch base on this subject and how it had affected my life and the way I view life. Probably this is the main reason I decided to create this blog.

I am here not claiming to be a writer. I’m here to find out who I really am! As the blog title says – “A Mother And A Woman In Love”. I’m in love with life even if right now it seems a bit chaotic. I really love this journey as difficult as it seemed to be at times. I want to stay in love and I want to find my true self again. In this moment, I feel lost.

This is a challenge to myself and whoever wants to join in: 365 days, 1 post per day in which I talk honestly about everything and make peace with whatever I need to make peace with. If you need someone to listen and join you in your journey to your true self – I am here to listen actively to you. I am curious to see where it takes us so here goes nothing…001

 

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