The Aftermath…

….of the #outthem

It’s been a while since that happened and since I posted. I kept getting messages and reading comments about that little stunt that guy pulled on my page. Some people got what I tried to do, some didn’t. Curious enough – the people who didn’t are mostly men. You know, if I were a guy – I’d be a little ticked off about this because yahoos like this give men a bad name. Aren’t you guys tired to hear at every corner that all men are pigs? I sure as hell am. Just because there are a few out there who need to grow a pair, does not mean there are not wonderful men in this world. Unfortunately those have it hard.

So…back to the point… I was reading through the messages and the men who were bashing me were telling me that he meant it as a compliment and that I should be flattered. I’m sorry, what? Since when vulgar, sexual comments are compliments? Oh, oh , oh I see..he’s attracted to me. That’s fine! What’s not fine is him objectifying me while trying to express that. I swear sometimes I think the Do-Do bird laid one too many eggs…

Bottom line is that retaliating when being disrespected is a perfectly acceptable reaction. Nothing wrong with biting someone’s head off when they deserve it. Nothing wrong in holding someone accountable when they screw up. The problem today is that people expect and feel entitled to get away with the shit they do and that is reflected in our kid’s education. If I had a dollar for every child under the age of 5 who I saw being a rude and spoiled brad, I’d drive a Porsche Cayenne. Can I blame the child? No because the parents are the same.  Kids learn 80% from what they see. Trust me, if you think your kid is not paying attention to you, think again. He is absorbing everything you do and say and it will bite you in the ass one day. I have a 6 month old. She is teething, but she has no teeth yet and she chews. She learned to chew from me. When we eat, she is in the high chair and I am sitting across from her and she saw me chewing and she started to mimic the motion. Monkey see, monkey do! That’s the first stage of learning and our kids will always try to copy us.

So that guy has that sense of entitlement. He said what he said without hiding and felt entitled to a positive response because that’s how he was taught. That’s what a lot of men his age do and that’s what’s trending in our society. Sadly, he didn’t take anything constructive away from this situation and the fact that he won’t do it again to me does not make me feel warm and fuzzy. He will do it again to some other girl and what ruffles my feathers is that a lot of women think they just need to brush it off.

The world would be a much better place if we didn’t brush anything off but, instead, we would tackle every single issue – big or microscopic – head on and we would stop shitting ourselves every time we’re being confronted.

Anyway…this is my ramble for tonight..

 

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Kind Or Nice?

What would you rather be – kind or nice? These two sound very similar, but are totally different things. People seem to misuse these terms quite a bit so let me enlighten you.

Nice is being agreeable. Essentially, you make everyone else feel comfortable except yourself. You keep your mouth shut and bow down your head just to avoid confrontation and/or conflict. Nothing wrong with being nice once in a while, but there is something really wrong with overdoing it.

Kind is doing the right thing regardless of who is uncomfortable. It means fighting for what’s right without stomping on people. Treating people with dignity and respect while still calling them out on their bullshit. Kind is staying firm in what you believe and not compromising on your values.

After outing the guy who posted that vulgar comment on my photo on facebook, I was accused of not being kind when in actuality – I think the person was trying to say that I wasn’t nice. True! I wasn’t nice! It wasn’t nice of me to expose the guy. I was kind! All I did was to just post a screenshot with the hashtag #outthem hoping that he’ll learn something from this. I did not – in anyway shape or form – attack him. Funny thing is that most accusations of me not being kind came from men when – if I were a dude – I’d be pretty pissed of since guys like this give the rest of the men out there a bad name.

It’s funny how people have very little to say when a woman is being attacked, but a WHOLE LOT to say when she retaliates. No offence, but I will not stay silent. I would much rather be labeled as a drama queen than be that woman who keeps her mouth shut hoping that my daughter will not have to put up with this. In all actuality, I do hope she does have to go through this so she can apply the things she’ll learn from me. I do hope I’ll be smart enough to teach her that she can fight back as loud as she wants while being kind, that retaliating or calling someone out is not WRONG! No, it’s not wrong to stand up for yourself.

Keeping my mouth shut makes me nice, but I would much rather be kind!

#outthem

So.. I posted a photo on Facebook sometime ago with me and my baby. Nothing special about it. All good till one dude decides it’s ok to post a comment that sounded something like this and I will not censor it – “I would fuck you so hard it’s not even funny. Is your pussy ready for me?”. Yeah…yes I know this dude. We actually went to college together and he never seemed to be THAT guy.

I immediately took a screenshot of that and posted it with the hashtag in the title. Not long after I get a message from him in which he called me out. We dude – you’re calling me out – I’m here to meet you! He said that he thought the comment wasn’t inappropriate in any way and that there is nothing wrong with him expressing his sexual attraction towards me. I told him that having a filter goes a long way and that I will not take own the screenshot. I don’t think I need to say what happened after I posted that. A lot of women posted screenshots of their experiences.

Ladies – this is not ok. If there is something I’ve learned in this life is to take no shit from anyone. I don’t care who it is. If you decide to be a shithead – be ready to take the consequences. Don’t expect to put your hand on the stove and not get burned amigo. If your mommy didn’t teach you how to behave, then I will and it will be a lesson you’ll never forget.

I got a little carried away and I sent that screenshot to his mother, sister, girlfriend, best friend, brother, grandmother…pretty much everyone that mattered in his list. What makes me damn proud of my girls is that they finally had the courage to not stay silent. Keeping quiet about this shit is pretty much saying that it’s ok when it’s not. Put it out there for everyone to see. Expose them and maybe, just maybe, one or two of these humanoids can be salvaged. Maybe one or two will learn something.

As a man – you should treat a woman the same way you would like your mother or daughter to be treated. Nothing less than that. We are not objects and we don’t have to put up with your crap in any way shape or form. So lose the entitlement and grow a pair of balls and act like a damn man. Nice guys don’t finish last!

Life As A Single Parent – I

Ok, so as promised, every Tuesday from now on, I will be posting my thoughts, challenges, struggles and joys of being a single parent. Lets get into it.

Firstly, I became a single parent the second I found out I was pregnant. I carried the pregnancy without the father in the picture. That’s actually the moment I became a parent even though my baby was not yet born. I felt it was important for me to point that out because people think that parenting starts when the baby is born which is downright false. This journey starts the second you find out there’s a bun in the oven. It should be a happy moment, exciting, but it wasn’t like that for me.

I was terrified. I was scared down to my marrow. Not only because it was an unexpected pregnancy, but because I got left in the cold by the father with no explanation. I will not start bashing him or anything because there is no point in doing that. I’m just pointing out how I felt. I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was to go to the doctor and do everything I was told. I started reading book after book on babies and parenting. I watched hours and hours of videos. In other words, I literally devoured every piece of information I could possibly get on pregnancy, child birth and parenting. It made me feel like I was progressing, like I was doing something for this baby.

Then I started shopping like crazy and I bought insane amounts of baby stuff and I ended up giving half of those away because I didn’t need all of them. To sum up, I became a maniac. Everything I was doing had a fear base. I was scared, I was emotionally stressed, I was struggling to maintain a facade in front of my family and friends, but inside I was going nuts.

Let me tell you this, everything I did was utterly useless because, the day my baby was born, everything I had read about didn’t apply. I realized I had bought stuff I didn’t need. I also realized that I GOT THIS. I instinctively knew what to do and ending each day with her sleeping peacefully, changed, fed and loved made me feel victorious. Sounds cheesy but it’s true.

My daughter doesn’t need a perfect mom. She needs a sane mom. My daughter needs to be loved and nurtured. She needs to know that I will always be there for her. She needs ME and I am enough for her.

That’s what our kids need. They need us as flawed as we are. Yes we will fuck up – royally at times – but as long as it comes from a place of love – everything can be repaired. Each day is a new start. Treat things like that and you’ll see a major difference in your parenting. And in those insanely frustrating moments when you have no idea what to do to get your baby to stop crying, when things seem like they’re falling apart and your entire world in crumbling – I want you to know this – NOTHING IS PERMANENT! Add “right now” to each sentence and you’ll understand what I’m saying. For example – “My baby is crying RIGHT NOW!”, “My house is messy RIGHT NOW!”, “Everything seems to be falling apart RIGHT NOW!” See what I mean? Circumstances are always changing which makes everything impossible to stand still. Therefor nothing is permanent so stop treating everything like it’s going to last forever. Trust me, your life will become much easier and you will be able to find joy again. That’s what’s important at the end of the day!

So love fiercely and remember that you too matter and everything will fall into place.

Till next Tuesday!

I’m A Fabulous Dumbass!

Yes, you read correctly! I’m a fabulous dumbass! Still fabulous though…I’m a happy dumbass. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting myself down at all. I’m proud for being a dumbass. By being a dumbass, I learn everyday, I human and that’s beautiful. See? I’m fabulous, happy, proud and beautiful! What more could I possibly want?

I do want something actually. I want to continue being happy, I want to provide a happy life for my daughter, I want to fulfill a few dreams I have this year. I just have that gut feeling that things are finally falling into place. After a huge storm, finally the sun comes through. And no, to answer a question I received from a reader, there is no special someone. That’s in the works *wink*. Ladies, if you un-squint your eyes, you’ll see how many offers are out there and some of them are actually worth your attention. Not all men are pigs! Some of them can be pretty nasty (so can women), but there are some really good people out there for those who have eyes to see.

I also received another question from a reader or a request – to talk about being a single parent. I will elaborate on that topic in the next post. This is just me acknowledging that request and yes I will tend to that subject as it is a very deep one. There are many women and men who are single parents and bloggers who talk about this. I guess people need to find one person that resonates with them. I know that was what I needed when I was pregnant. So yes, I will honor that on Tuesday’s post. Now thinking about it, one post it’s not enough to talk about that so maybe I should start some sort of a series – every Tuesday a single parenting post.

I’ve got a few more requests which thrills me. Makes me think I’m not just sending things into a giant void. I will tackle each and every one of them and some of them I will turn them into series since the topics are very broad.

So that’s pretty much it for this one. I know it’s short, I just felt like writing.

Sometimes It Doesn’t Hurt…

…to be a little narcissistic.

Let’s face it! We have a pretty decent dose in us and there is nothing wrong with that. We all like to know we are loved. We all smile between our tears when someone has lost us and we all have people in our lives who are damn lucky to have met us.

It doesn’t hurt to remind ourselves, once in a while, of our worth. We live in a society filled with people ready to crush us every day – be it on a personal level or a professional level. I lost count how many times I’ve had doors slammed in my face or have been told “it’s impossible!”. I’ve lost count of how many people walked out of my life only to return at one point or another regretting the decision. The last one has happened every single time without exception. I’m not the greatest person in the world, but I do add value to a person’s life. I’m not perfect and God knows I’ve hurt people unintentionally, but when the line is drawn there was always more good than bad because I strive to make it that way. Guessing all of us do that.

So yes, as arrogant and narcissistic as it sounds, people who have met me and took the time to get to know me are lucky bastards. People who have walked away firstly thinking – “good riddance” – ended up returning to my life wanting back. How’s that for an ego boost?

So yes, looking at things from this perspective, helps me validate myself and there is nothing wrong with that. Society today has implemented in our minds that truly valuing ourselves is wrong. Now that’s a fucking lie!!!! I’ve wasted years of my life downgrading myself just to be socially accepted. Fuck that shit! Bitch, I’m fabulous! :))))

So, to conclude this, Here’s to he lucky bastards who’ve met me, spent time with me, lost me! Here’s to the ones who will eventually come back! I’m not holding my breath waiting – never have and never will! Cheers!

Just Another Day

As the title says, today has been just another day. Woke up, changed and fed my baby,  took a bath, started working on my online business (which I will share once it’s launched), cooked, taking care of my baby and, now, I just want to relax for a bit.

I was thinking about something last night before I went to bed. Someone once told me: “Try to find joy in everything you do or else it’s not worth it!”. This hit me like a ton of bricks because these past few years I’ve found every excuse under the sun to be miserable. Nothing was worth enjoying and, for some reason, I didn’t feel worthy of enjoying my life. A  huge bunch of crap if you ask me.

Anyway, with everything that’s been happening in my life in the past few months, I finally found joy. The problem is – -now that I have it_ I am scared to death of losing it and I find myself feeling extremely insecure. Any woman in my position would feel anything but insecure. As I said in my previous post, I’m in Seventh Heaven, but at the same time I’m scared.

Why is happiness so scary?

Seventh Heaven

Just like everyone else, all I’ve ever wanted and all I’ve ever fought for was happiness. After what feels like an eternity, I can finally say that I am happy. Being a mother  has made it happen finally for me.

If anyone told me last years that this was going to happen, I would have laughed and considered that person to be cruel for giving me false hope. I was in  a really dark place, on the verge of suicide – something I don’t wish on anyone. My daughter saved my life because she became my life.

I know, I know this all sound corny, but its the truth. Nothing can possibly explain how happy I am and driven to better myself in every way I can. I’m a simple girl. I don’t aspire to anything fancy or flamboyant. Never really did! All I ever wanted was the simple family, a nice and cozy place to live and the perspective of someday sitting on a porch watching my grandchildren play, with a warm cup of coffee, diving into the memories of a full life.

Someone once told me one: “At this point for me, I am telling you the story of my life! At this point for you, you have to make sure the story is a damn good one!”. It took me a while to understand what she meant, but – I can honestly say – now I do. Like any story, it does have some dark chapters. Then again, light doesn’t exist without darkness. So, I’ll just keep on writing till God puts down a period.

I’ve been running and acting on fear my entire life which, as short as it may seem, it’s way too long. Fear is a normal feeling and it’s always going to be there. Letting it call the shots when it’s not equipped to do so, it’s downright foolish. Being brave does not mean being without fear. Being brave means doing whatever is needed inspite of fear.

Anyway, I’m rambling. Bottom line is – I’m in The Seventh Heaven!!!

The Big Day!

I’m not slacking or anything. I’m posting later than usual because…today I baptized my baby girl!!!! Thank God that is over lol! Stress and stress and…oh did I mention? STRESS for just an event that lasted maaaayyybbbeee 4 hours.

That’s me! I stress about everything! I’m proud to say that everything turned out much better than I expected.  My family was there and everything went smoothly.

I’m not a fan of over the top receptions. After the church ceremony we went to a nice restaurant and we had a late lunch/early dinner and we talked and laughed and stared at Ariana (my daughter) so yeah…all good and finally over. Until her first birthday, I can relax and let life flow stressing along the way, of course. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. If you look up in the dictionary the word “stress” you’d most likely see a picture of me in there.

Why do I stress so much? Because I tend to treat every little thing very seriously and I over think and I loose myself in details. That’s probably my biggest flaw which, sometimes, can be a very good quality to have. I stress because I care about the process and how things turn out. Is that bad? Maybe and maybe not. There are some instances when I get so caught up in insignificant things that I forget to just enjoy the journey and that can drive people around me nuts and away. I’ve lost friends because of this. There are other moments when, because I have the type of logic that allows me to make connections fast based on some details that people tend to overlook, this flaw/quality kind of saved my ass while driving people around me nuts.

I’m not the best person to go to for advice on how to reduce stress in your life, but I could definitely show you how to add more lol. If you don’t want to see different angles to an issue, you might now want to call me lol. In case you do, I’ll be here, but don’t worry! I won’t be relaxed while waiting. Gotta flex that stress muscle! We don’t want it to atrophy lol.

Once the professional photos get to me, I’ll post a few. Meantime I’ll leave you with a personal favorite one.44571371_10216940954418261_6836354712682364928_n

 

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