Just Another Day

As the title says, today has been just another day. Woke up, changed and fed my baby,  took a bath, started working on my online business (which I will share once it’s launched), cooked, taking care of my baby and, now, I just want to relax for a bit.

I was thinking about something last night before I went to bed. Someone once told me: “Try to find joy in everything you do or else it’s not worth it!”. This hit me like a ton of bricks because these past few years I’ve found every excuse under the sun to be miserable. Nothing was worth enjoying and, for some reason, I didn’t feel worthy of enjoying my life. A  huge bunch of crap if you ask me.

Anyway, with everything that’s been happening in my life in the past few months, I finally found joy. The problem is – -now that I have it_ I am scared to death of losing it and I find myself feeling extremely insecure. Any woman in my position would feel anything but insecure. As I said in my previous post, I’m in Seventh Heaven, but at the same time I’m scared.

Why is happiness so scary?

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Seventh Heaven

Just like everyone else, all I’ve ever wanted and all I’ve ever fought for was happiness. After what feels like an eternity, I can finally say that I am happy. Being a mother  has made it happen finally for me.

If anyone told me last years that this was going to happen, I would have laughed and considered that person to be cruel for giving me false hope. I was in  a really dark place, on the verge of suicide – something I don’t wish on anyone. My daughter saved my life because she became my life.

I know, I know this all sound corny, but its the truth. Nothing can possibly explain how happy I am and driven to better myself in every way I can. I’m a simple girl. I don’t aspire to anything fancy or flamboyant. Never really did! All I ever wanted was the simple family, a nice and cozy place to live and the perspective of someday sitting on a porch watching my grandchildren play, with a warm cup of coffee, diving into the memories of a full life.

Someone once told me one: “At this point for me, I am telling you the story of my life! At this point for you, you have to make sure the story is a damn good one!”. It took me a while to understand what she meant, but – I can honestly say – now I do. Like any story, it does have some dark chapters. Then again, light doesn’t exist without darkness. So, I’ll just keep on writing till God puts down a period.

I’ve been running and acting on fear my entire life which, as short as it may seem, it’s way too long. Fear is a normal feeling and it’s always going to be there. Letting it call the shots when it’s not equipped to do so, it’s downright foolish. Being brave does not mean being without fear. Being brave means doing whatever is needed inspite of fear.

Anyway, I’m rambling. Bottom line is – I’m in The Seventh Heaven!!!

The Big Day!

I’m not slacking or anything. I’m posting later than usual because…today I baptized my baby girl!!!! Thank God that is over lol! Stress and stress and…oh did I mention? STRESS for just an event that lasted maaaayyybbbeee 4 hours.

That’s me! I stress about everything! I’m proud to say that everything turned out much better than I expected.  My family was there and everything went smoothly.

I’m not a fan of over the top receptions. After the church ceremony we went to a nice restaurant and we had a late lunch/early dinner and we talked and laughed and stared at Ariana (my daughter) so yeah…all good and finally over. Until her first birthday, I can relax and let life flow stressing along the way, of course. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. If you look up in the dictionary the word “stress” you’d most likely see a picture of me in there.

Why do I stress so much? Because I tend to treat every little thing very seriously and I over think and I loose myself in details. That’s probably my biggest flaw which, sometimes, can be a very good quality to have. I stress because I care about the process and how things turn out. Is that bad? Maybe and maybe not. There are some instances when I get so caught up in insignificant things that I forget to just enjoy the journey and that can drive people around me nuts and away. I’ve lost friends because of this. There are other moments when, because I have the type of logic that allows me to make connections fast based on some details that people tend to overlook, this flaw/quality kind of saved my ass while driving people around me nuts.

I’m not the best person to go to for advice on how to reduce stress in your life, but I could definitely show you how to add more lol. If you don’t want to see different angles to an issue, you might now want to call me lol. In case you do, I’ll be here, but don’t worry! I won’t be relaxed while waiting. Gotta flex that stress muscle! We don’t want it to atrophy lol.

Once the professional photos get to me, I’ll post a few. Meantime I’ll leave you with a personal favorite one.44571371_10216940954418261_6836354712682364928_n

 

Intro

I created this blog about 2 weeks ago and this is the first time I’m posting. I’m not really sure if you are reading this or if you will ever read this, but here it goes.

My name is Olga and I live in a small European country called Romania. I’m a single mother of a gorgeous baby girl. I’ve had many jobs in my life time and one of them was webcam modeling. I know, I know…outrageous and controversial. Why did I choose this? Simple…money. Did it help? Yes! Was it worth it? No! Throughout my posts here, I will touch base on this subject and how it had affected my life and the way I view life. Probably this is the main reason I decided to create this blog.

I am here not claiming to be a writer. I’m here to find out who I really am! As the blog title says – “A Mother And A Woman In Love”. I’m in love with life even if right now it seems a bit chaotic. I really love this journey as difficult as it seemed to be at times. I want to stay in love and I want to find my true self again. In this moment, I feel lost.

This is a challenge to myself and whoever wants to join in: 365 days,  posts  in which I talk honestly about everything and make peace with whatever I need to make peace with. If you need someone to listen and join you in your journey to your true self – I am here to listen actively to you. I am curious to see where it takes us so here goes nothing…001

 

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